all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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