do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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