very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
