I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
