when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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