Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
