You work out of a Hotel?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
