Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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