Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
