Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
