Plan B is the new Plan A
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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