And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
