is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
