Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
