I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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