I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
