i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
