So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
