I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize