he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
