we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
