I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
