If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
