I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
