I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
