I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize