So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
