I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
