I need to stop coming to work sober
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
