Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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