i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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