If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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