then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
