If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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