And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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