i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize