Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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