There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
