I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
