I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think i got beer on your cat.
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