My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
