i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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