Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
