sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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