Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
