I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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