Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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