I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
