Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
