She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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