she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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