You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
