your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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