Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
