I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
