i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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