ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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