He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
