i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
