just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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