did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
