so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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